Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Feb 24, 2010
Prescott, AZ--After months of rumor and innuendo regarding the sudden reversal of their conviction on charges of “pandering to commercial taste”, local band The CheekTones have accepted a plea bargain between their attorney and Superior Court Judge Judge Rindhole. Denying any complicity in the alleged bribery of Judge Thor “Hammer” Slammer, the band has nonetheless accepted the conditions of the plea agreement, which specify a year as house band for The 700 Club, three months of wearing matching uniforms based on Disney characters, and a requirement to give three free concerts of nothing but Jonas Brothers songs, as they would be covered by Marilyn Manson. In a statement read by their attorney, Izzy A. Finagler, the band admitted sending 50 copies of their CD, Razorburn, to Judge Rindhole, delivered in person by some of the more curvaceous members of their “street team”, who, in their enthusiasm, offered to give the jurist “a little razorburn of your own”. For the record, Judge Rindhole has denied accepting either the cd’s or the razorburn. The band begins serving their sentence this weekend, dressed as 4 of the 7 dwarfs and Snow White.
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Feb 24, 2010
Originally published on 2/18/09
Prescott, AZ (AP) - In a surprise move, Court of Appeals Judge Thor “Slammer” Hammer has overturned the conviction of local band The CheekTones on charges of shameless pandering to commercial tastes. It was almost exactly a year ago that a Prescott jury found the local lads guilty on 8 counts of the little-known and selectively prosecuted “blue law”. In his ruling, the judge declared that the trial judge, U.R. Lyabel, had erroneously disallowed evidence and witnesses that might have led to an acquittal. Some of the excluded evidence related to the band’s practice of playing songs they didn’t know or had possibly never even heard, and their apparent disregard for taste in their manner of dress. Also, several expert witnesses were prevented from testifying, including local DJ Chris P. Neuranz, who was heard to say of the band’s music, “Man, I can’t play this s**t—my listeners will either retch or fall asleep.” Another disallowed defense witness, sound man Will U. Hearit, would have tes tified that the band had overcome their addiction to playing the entire soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever years ago.
Yavapai District Attorney Willie Pruvit declined to comment on the ruling, but the band’s attorney, Izzy A. Finagler, released the following statement from the band: “We’re just thrilled to be cleared of these obviously trumped-up charges. Anyone who’s heard and seen our act would know that we’re doing everything we can to keep from succeeding commercially. We just want to thank our fan, and our sound man, and our guitar techs, and our other fan, and the Weather Channel, and the night bartender at The Bird Cage (forgot her name), and that one guy who plays air guitar when he’s out on bail, and the guy who brings the firewood to Joe’s, and...uh...I think that’s all we have room for...for their support during this difficult year. We’ll see you at Coyote Joe’s on Saturday.”
The CheekTones were scheduled to begin serving their sentence on Feb 14, so the ruling came just in time for the band. Judge Lyabel had sentenced them to six months of playing jazz versions of Hannah Montana songs, a sentence that surely would have spelled the end of any chance to raise their cool quotient among Prescott music fans. When asked about the playlist for this Saturday’s show, band leader Don Cheek said, “I guess we’ll come up with something—we’ve spent all our rehearsal time getting ready to become Banana Montana...”
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Feb 24, 2010
Originally published on 2.28.08
Prescott, Az. - After 13 hours of deliberation, a Prescott jury has found The CheekTones guilty of 8 counts of shameless pandering to commercial taste. Charges had been brought against the band in the wake of a Christmas show at the Grand Canyon, in which they allegedly played a medley that included the Chuck Berry classic, “Run Rudolph Run”. Yavapai District Attorney Willie Pruvit, discussing the case, said, “This Rudolph thing was just one in a long line of CheekTones assaults on the public cool quotient; we’re elated by this verdict.” Juror Amanda Haight, when interviewed, said, “Just the fact that they learned that song was enough for me to convict.”
Members of the band declined to comment, but their attorney, Izzy A. Finagler, made this statement: “While it’s true the boys are up to 5 Stones and 4 Dylan covers, they believe there is enough “interpretation” in these covers to warrant a verdict of not guilty. And although the Rudolph song was in their setlist, they didn’t even play it. In their defense, I would ask: What about their original songs, and their unique arrangements of music from such obscure songwriters as JJ Cale, James McMurtry, Bob Schneider, and the inscrutable Tom Waits? What about their reggae rendition of David Crosby’s “Long Time Gone”? Have you heard anyone else play Danny Okeefe’s “Along For The Ride?” And, to top it off, they steadfastly refuse to honor requests to play “Mustang Sally.” Surely these aren’t the signs of a band who has completely sold out to commerce. They don’t even have a merch box, or a cd to sell. We’ll be filing an appeal in the district court in Jerome on Monday.”
The conviction, if upheld on appeal, carries a sentence of up to six months of playing only jazz versions of Hannah Montana songs.
See for yourself if this legal setback affects the performance, or the playlist, of The CheekTones.
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Feb 09, 2010
Through a simple twist of fate, this week The CheekTones mark THREE YEARS as a band, and three years of playing Saturday nights at Coyote Joe’s. That’s right, and all I really want to do is invite you to come down to Whiskey Row, not desolation row, to help us celebrate. If not for you, there’s no way we could’ve made it this far, so we really want to thank you in person. They’re saying a hard rain’s gonna fall, but you don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, and anyway, we’ll give you shelter from the storm. These bartenders gotta serve somebody, so it might as well be you, and you’ll be joined by Sara, Jolene, Isis, Delia, Angelina, Corrina Corrina, Queen Jane, and the girl from the north country. You can take a slow train, a freight train, or a Buick 6, you can take Highway 51, 61, or the endless highway, you can wear boots of Spanish leather or a leopard-skin pillbox hat, but you gotta leave Maggie’s farm or wherever you hang out and join us. Don’t think twice about it: have one more cup of coffee, shake off that idiot wind, try not to get tangled up in blue, and remember that it’s live music that’s gonna keep you forever young. We kick it off around 7 and play ‘til 10:30 out on the patio, so ring them bells all along the watchtower: It’s The CheekTones third anniversary!
Also—I’ll be doing a solo acoustic show at the Spirit Room on Tuesday night, 8 to 11, right there on Main Street in Jerome. Join me if you dare. But you’re gonna make me lonesome when you go.
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Feb 09, 2010
Top Ten Excuses For Missing The CheekTones at Annie's Attic This Friday:
10. My dog ate my car keys. I can’t use the spare, ‘cause then I wouldn’t have a spare.
9. I’m writing my doctoral thesis, The Secret Life of Underwear, and I’ll probably finish it Friday night. Yeah, that’s it.
8. My grandmother’s friend’s cousin’s parakeet died. I’m in charge of the funeral.
7. I got razorburn. And I wasn’t even shaving...
6. My ex is stalking me, and Guitar Center has granted me asylum.
5. New Year’s resolution: I’m trying to raise my cool quotient in 2010, not lower it.
4. I’m waitin’ for the movie to come out.
3. I had a flat tire. Actually, my car had a flat tire—I’m still round, with a hole in the middle.
2. Well... I lit out for Reno, I was trailed by 20 hounds, didn’t get to sleep that night, ‘til the mornin’ came around...
And the #1 excuse for missing The CheekTones at Annie’s Attic This Friday:
1. I was under house arrest for “injudicious use of exclamation points on Facebook!!!”
So, unless one o’ those excuses fits you like a bustiere on a beauty queen, we’ll expect to see you Friday night at Annie’s, starting around 9:30.
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Feb 09, 2010
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...; Call me Ishmael; Aaron would not come out; It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him; That’s good thinking there, Cool Breeze: We’re all just barely into a new year; we’ve all just written, or are possibly still writing, the first line of a novel whose plot may be a shadowy presence (or, in some cases, a clear path, should the stars align and the wheel spin in our favor) in our minds, but whose twists and turns, whose unanticipated ventures down side streets and alleys, whose surprise endings and dénouements will only be written by us in reaction to events that unfold around us, in concert with decisions we will base, carelessly or not, on information whose validity may only become clear after the decisions have been made, and with the “help” of family and friends who may or may not understand where we planned for the plot to go, which characters we originally intended to kill off (metaphorically speaking, one hopes), or into what genre we’d like our novel to fit (romance, horror, comic, thriller...crime fiction, anyone?). So, as you re-read that long sentence, as many of you will, possibly wondering about the nature of your own opening line for 2010, or wondering if Don (third-person alert!) has had either too much coffee or too little recent experience with self-control, I’m sending you best wishes for a successful new year. May the opening line of your novel lead to greener pastures and the proverbial happy ending.
(Originally sent out on 1/7/10)
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Dec 11, 2009
Top Ten Graffiti Found on the Bathroom Walls at Coyote Joe’s:
10. Some people come here to sit and think...wait, this is CoJo’s. No thinking allowed. Or aloud.
9. A pessimist’s blood type is always B negative.
8. For a good time, call The Raven. (sorry, another Raven joke)
7. Cheektones? What if Don’s last name had been Schwackhammer? or Livingstone?
6. Half your large intestine is known as your semicolon;
5. Sign at a nuclear power plant: “Warning: Radiation area. Pre-faded genes only”.
4. Generalizations are dangerous, especially this one. (Thanks to Mark Twain)
3. One if by land, two if by sea, three if by hand, fourplay is free.
2. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
1. What are you looking here for? The joke is on the stage.
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Aug 16, 2009
Top Ten Worst Case Scenarios:
10. Ted Nugent becomes a vegetarian, is found stalking 2 melons and some kohlrabi in the produce section.
9. Global Warming causes rampant nudity and a spike in blindfold sales.
8. Congress changes the national anthem to Muskrat Love.
7. The swine flu mutates into a virus that makes you speak pig latin...I-ay eanmay igpay atinlay.
6. The CheekTones return from two weeks absence to find their slot at Joe’s has been given to The Amazing Trevor and his Trained Tarantula.
5. Disco makes a comeback.
4. Michael Jackson’s missing prosthetic nose shows up in your salad at Denny’s.
3. The official Woodstock 40th Anniversary Concert is organized by the Young Republicans.
2. Sarah Palin becomes fashion advisor to David Letterman and Cher.
and the No. 1 Worst Case Scenario:
1. Researchers at Cornell confirm that You Can’t Always Get What You Want.
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Jul 25, 2009
10. Does Marty have a girlfriend?
9. Can you guys play that one song tonight? You know, the one that goes na na na na dum dee um da da.
8. I’d like two soft tacos, a cheese enchilada, and a diet pepsi. Hold the mayo.
7. Hey you guys oughta learn Brown-Eyed Girl. It ain’t that hard.
6. How do I get one of those Cheekas t-shirts?
5. Hey Don, this is (garbled). I want you guys to open for Tom Petty at Red Rocks. Call me quick at 213-(garbled).
4. You know, you would get farther if you’d play more (Jimmy Buffet, Johnny Cash, Dead, Coldplay, etc).
3. Where are you playing? Can you give me your website again, ‘cause when I google “cheektones” I get porn or cosmetic sites.
2. This is the Prescott PD, reminding you that the Coyote Joe’s parking lot is not a urinal.
...and the #1 message on the CheekTones’ voicemail:
1. Hey, how come you never play at The Raven?
Posted by: cheekstr in Untagged on
Jul 05, 2009
July 1, 2009
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands...wait, don’t dissolve this band, ‘cause we hold these truths to be self-evident, that you have a right, no, an obligation to party on a holiday weekend, that those of you living in hotspots have a right to migrate temporarily to cooler climes, that those of you whose soul has not been recently soothed by live music have been endowed with the unalienable right to drink from the well of rock and roll, the pail of rhythmic grooves, the chalice of The CheekTones, and that to secure these rights you need only assume among the powers of the earth, the power to motorvate to Prescott for July 4 weekend. (apologies to Mr Jefferson)
